Moulding old minds

While I wait for my working life to start, I have been asked to give som lectures. As you can imagine, I am feeling pretty pleased with this, and as of next week I will be given two sessions in which to mould and shape some older minds into fully fledged teachers. I need to do some research and also need to buy a cord jacket with patches on the elbows as that is what lecturers wear I believe.

Today is Friday and that means the Times Educational Supplement is out. It is funny that when you are not working, you get no benefit of routines and I have found myself creating them. Every Friday I drive to Tesco and buy the paper, bagels and cream cheese. I drive home, have a late breakfast and circle jobs in the paper while watching daytime TV. The drone of the presenters in the background can sedate the panic when there are no jobs to be had.

Even Rocky had a montage

You have to imagine the theme from Rocky playing in the background of my training montage. I am still jobless, and lets face it, starting to panic. Because of this I have signed myself up for a load of training. Determined to get something out of this bizarrely aquired job-free period, I want to make sure that my knowledge and training in the Uk teaching system is up to date.

What this does mean though is that in any conference I attend I must explain that I have no job, actually I was working in Poland, I have no idea where I will go next etc. It also means that I get a chance to start feeling passionate about education again. It means that I get the chance to want to be in schools, to understand more about the standards and aims of care that I should be working to.

I rarely get political on my blog, but a huge problem on the international circuit is that the schools and teachers really are left to their own devices. They are not subject to government legislation in the same way that state schools are and as a result it is easy for a teacher to get lost on their rights and responsibilities in the classroom, especially for me as a special needs teacher.

Ok, rant over with for today. More job applications, more internet searching, more cups of tea, more freaking out.

31

The 23rd of January has come and gone and I am a year older. 31 feels better than 30 did, I suppose that I am used to that sneaky three at the start by now. Yesterday had a strange undertone, but when I woke up in the morning I had a table of cards and gifts to open and even now there are rows of cards all the way along the kitchen table. It is always lovely that people make the effort and send me things, especially when lots of the people I love are far away.

K and S made a fuss of me, we had a special dinner and they even turned a huge sticky toffee pudding into a candle lit reason to sing 'Happy Birthday' to me. They got me amazing presents, and it was brilliant to spend my birthday with people who made me feel special. It made me think of Paris, this time last year D and L had a little party and we all celebrated in Paris. Hopefully next year will be equally filled with love.

Funeral

I went to collect E from school a couple of weeks ago and was waiting outside when a man came up and started chatting. He is the parent of a child that I worked with a lot when I lived in North Yorkshire and we spoke about his son and how the family was. We talked about the school and how I had always been very fond of his son and was happy to hear that he was doing well.

The next evening, I had a call to say that this parent had killed himself. He was a fireman, and he had set himself on fire outside his station and his colleagues had tried desperately to help him. He was a very kind and warm person who would go out of his way on the street to say hello to me and tell me about his son. Tomorrow, my 31st birthday, I will attend his funeral. And all the time I will be wondering what goes on beneath the smiles and greetings of the poeple that I see. How can all that be going on below the surface and nothing show through?

I want to see his son, yet I dread doing so. Things like this shake a small town to its core. The funeral will be packed with people, and rightly so.

Thinking of York

I have been busy over the last few days completing different applications and there is one in particular that I would really like. It would afford me the chance to live and work in York again for a few years and the thought of this is really exciting. I have lost count of how many times I have talked about my love for this northern city. The idea that I could live there, hang out with my York friends that I don't see enough, just in love with the idea.

Still searching, still applying. I keep thinking that I will blog, but realise quickly that there is so little to blog about. Last night K and I started to clear out her house ready for a move to Hull. Chucking stuff away, packing boxes and thinking about the newness of what will greet you when the truck drives up to where you will be living. I am waiting for that moment, but I trust that it will be here eventually.

January floating

Kinuk was blogging last week about how January always seems like the longest month and never has this been more apparant to me than this year. Slowly, jobs are starting to filter through and I even applied for one today that I was excited about. I can't remember the last time I actually had any passion for work.

Time is slipping slowly away and I am enjoying being back in Yorkshire. I love the 10 minute car drive to Osmotherly. I am enjoying day time trips t0 the cinema, Miss Potter, Flushed away. I go to bed late and get up late. This must be how it is for the rich, no work, no focus. If I had loads of cash and my own place I am sure that I could get used to it. I don't and I haven't so I am itching to get back to the routine of work. Dreaming of the day when this blog includes something other than the 'search'.

Up top

Even though I live in a town, when you are in Yorkshire you are really never far away from places that can feel totally remote. Here is my shadow and my car and moors that can go on for miles. This is a popular spot year round where I live, but lucky for me, most people work on a Thursday afternoon so I had the place pretty much to myself.

Aside from the panicking that is making the back of my brain hot, I can actually breathe up here. The wind was wild today, but is does blow away the cobwebs as Grandma used to say.