I spoke to Jo in Warsaw last night. As we chatted she told me that there were big flakes of snow drifting past her window. It made me miss Warsaw again. We talked about the Autumn fall into Winter and how it was the same every year.
This week I have been desperate for sleep. I could sleep for 12 hours a night if I had the time, but I have not been doing anything very stressful. No more than usual anyway. Jo and I talked about how this time of year always hits us hard. Despite complaining about the darkness and lack of energy every year, it always comes as a bit of a shock.
I wonder if all us Europeans are secretly SAD (Seasonal affective disorder), because it doesn't seem to just be me. Everything looks a little subdued to me. How could we forget that this time of year saps all our energy. It also makes me reflective, and this is the time of year that my choices get made. Forget New Years Eve. It is all about the run up to Christmas. This is when the dice and rolled and the chances taken. I think I will just wait until the new year to breathe deeply and let it all out.
"To appreciate the beauty of a snowflake, it is necessary to stand out in the cold"
Anonymous
"I like these cold, grey winter days. Days like this let you savour a bad mood"
Bill Watterson
December 09, 2005
December 08, 2005
Le petit dejeuner
I discovered during my time in Poland that I have a freakish love of bus rides. My morning ride to work is always a treat. It's full of sunrises, watching drivers and seeing the early morning cleaning activity. The route that my bus takes is all through Montparnasse, on to the seventh past the Eiffel tower. Lining all the streets are bistros and cafes. In the morning there is a Parisienne cafe ritul that I can see from my bus. It is dark outside and the lights are on in the cafes.
People sit mostly at the bar, because many of them are alone. It is early 'I am on my way to work' breakfast. They drink small cafe noir and on the bar rests a basket of fresh croissants. They don't ask, they just take these and the person behind the bar always notices and adds the price to their bill.
The thing I like about seeing the little slice of life, is that it makes me feel a bit special, a bit less like an outsider. I want to tell them: 'I am on my way to work too'. I want to drink coffee and sigh because I know I have a day of work ahead of me. I just never leave early enough to be able to do it. Cafe Soufflot, on my corner, always has regulars in their for their petit dejeuner. Now, if only I got up at 6.00 and not 6.30, I could join them. Let's see if that is going to happen.
"Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do."
Oscar Wilde
"I've never been an intellectual but I have this look"
Woody Allen
People sit mostly at the bar, because many of them are alone. It is early 'I am on my way to work' breakfast. They drink small cafe noir and on the bar rests a basket of fresh croissants. They don't ask, they just take these and the person behind the bar always notices and adds the price to their bill.
The thing I like about seeing the little slice of life, is that it makes me feel a bit special, a bit less like an outsider. I want to tell them: 'I am on my way to work too'. I want to drink coffee and sigh because I know I have a day of work ahead of me. I just never leave early enough to be able to do it. Cafe Soufflot, on my corner, always has regulars in their for their petit dejeuner. Now, if only I got up at 6.00 and not 6.30, I could join them. Let's see if that is going to happen.
"Work is the refuge of people who have nothing better to do."
Oscar Wilde
"I've never been an intellectual but I have this look"
Woody Allen
December 07, 2005
Pinkie swear
Ally, Jo and I used to often talk about our friendship while I lived in Warsaw. We recognised that there were things about our relationship that was peculiar to living away from home.
Being so far from our native countries made us cling to each other. It made our friendship seem more intense at times. There, in Poland, there was no backlog of people to turn to. No family, school friends, University friends, work friends. It was just each other. We turned into all the different types of friends rolled into one. We became family for a while. We needed and expected a lot from each other. And we all managed to love each other through the expectations.
I wondered yesterday if the ex-pat life fosters these intense relationships, or if it was just us. When you are far from home, you are focused on fewer people. I am finding that the same is to be said of the friendships that I am starting to form in Paris. We seem to need each other in a different way to the friends I have back home. Do you expect more of the people in your life? Do we get more demanding of our friends when we move overseas? Or do we just need an extra bit of support at these times of change and unfamiliarity?
"Promise me you'll always remember. You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think"
A A Milne
"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become"
Anonymous
Being so far from our native countries made us cling to each other. It made our friendship seem more intense at times. There, in Poland, there was no backlog of people to turn to. No family, school friends, University friends, work friends. It was just each other. We turned into all the different types of friends rolled into one. We became family for a while. We needed and expected a lot from each other. And we all managed to love each other through the expectations.
I wondered yesterday if the ex-pat life fosters these intense relationships, or if it was just us. When you are far from home, you are focused on fewer people. I am finding that the same is to be said of the friendships that I am starting to form in Paris. We seem to need each other in a different way to the friends I have back home. Do you expect more of the people in your life? Do we get more demanding of our friends when we move overseas? Or do we just need an extra bit of support at these times of change and unfamiliarity?
"Promise me you'll always remember. You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think"
A A Milne
"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become"
Anonymous
December 06, 2005
Are we nearly there yet?
I feel like a whiny child. These last two weeks seem to be passing by incredibly slowly. After a great weekend, I have no desire whatsoever to be at work. There is much to do before the end of term, in addition to which I have lots of planning, shopping and packing to do to get ready for going home.
I just want to spend the day drinking chocolat chaud in one of the cafes that is punctuating my Christmas wanderings around Paris. When I am on the bus in the mornings, I want to stay on there. I should keep going one day and just see what Paris is like on a Christmas weekday. I can just see myself, wrapped up warm. I would walk and pop in and out of fabulous shops. Maybe I would go to the Louvre, become part of the crowds there. Would anyone notice that I was not at work? Would I care if they did notice?
So, here is a question for everyone: If you were not at work today, what would you be doing?
"To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery, but rituals of reassurance."
Philip Andrew Adams
" Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain."
Billie Holiday
I just want to spend the day drinking chocolat chaud in one of the cafes that is punctuating my Christmas wanderings around Paris. When I am on the bus in the mornings, I want to stay on there. I should keep going one day and just see what Paris is like on a Christmas weekday. I can just see myself, wrapped up warm. I would walk and pop in and out of fabulous shops. Maybe I would go to the Louvre, become part of the crowds there. Would anyone notice that I was not at work? Would I care if they did notice?
So, here is a question for everyone: If you were not at work today, what would you be doing?
"To many people holidays are not voyages of discovery, but rituals of reassurance."
Philip Andrew Adams
" Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain."
Billie Holiday
December 05, 2005
The Clubbing Wars
Saturday night saw the ladies carrying on the party spirit by going to L'Etoile and dancing until the early hours. I enjoyed their company over a dinner at Seraphin and was happy to let them go off without me.
I have never been big into Clubbing. When I was living and working in York I would find ways to get out of the inevitable move from pub to club at last orders. While I was a student I would find myself clubbing often and I am sure that this is where my feelings of disinclination come from.
Going clubbing is always like putting yourself in a beauty pageant for me. It is lovely for those of us that are so attractive that they find admirers among the men that watch and assess. I was never one of those people, and I like it that way. It heightens that feeling of being picked last in PE lessons. It gives me that 'why not me?' feeling. And I have to say that I do not care for these emotions.
So I give the clubs a miss. When I go to York, I can pick and choose the times that I end up in a club. The preconditions are as follows:
1) It has to be a themed music night, eg, seventies, RnB or Rock
2) It has to be with a big group of friends. Lots of people to chat to, dance with, circuit the club with
3) I have to not wear high heels. This makes me hate clubs most of all. Not being able to sit down while hot coals burn the soles of my feet. Not fun.
Maybe I am too old now to go clubbing. Maybe I just never had the right temperament. They just don't suit me. You know what I love about clubbing though? Hearing everyone elses stories when they come back in the early morning. Can't wait to have a creme with D tomorrow and find out what those girls got up to while I was curled up in bed...
" Don't tell a woman she's pretty; tell her that there's no other woman like her, and all roads will open to you"
Jules Renard
"The best colour in the whole world is the one that looks good on you!"
Coco Chanel
I have never been big into Clubbing. When I was living and working in York I would find ways to get out of the inevitable move from pub to club at last orders. While I was a student I would find myself clubbing often and I am sure that this is where my feelings of disinclination come from.
Going clubbing is always like putting yourself in a beauty pageant for me. It is lovely for those of us that are so attractive that they find admirers among the men that watch and assess. I was never one of those people, and I like it that way. It heightens that feeling of being picked last in PE lessons. It gives me that 'why not me?' feeling. And I have to say that I do not care for these emotions.
So I give the clubs a miss. When I go to York, I can pick and choose the times that I end up in a club. The preconditions are as follows:
1) It has to be a themed music night, eg, seventies, RnB or Rock
2) It has to be with a big group of friends. Lots of people to chat to, dance with, circuit the club with
3) I have to not wear high heels. This makes me hate clubs most of all. Not being able to sit down while hot coals burn the soles of my feet. Not fun.
Maybe I am too old now to go clubbing. Maybe I just never had the right temperament. They just don't suit me. You know what I love about clubbing though? Hearing everyone elses stories when they come back in the early morning. Can't wait to have a creme with D tomorrow and find out what those girls got up to while I was curled up in bed...
" Don't tell a woman she's pretty; tell her that there's no other woman like her, and all roads will open to you"
Jules Renard
"The best colour in the whole world is the one that looks good on you!"
Coco Chanel
December 02, 2005
The Autistic boy
I have learnt so much since the start of term. Those regular readers know that I work with children who have difficulties with their learning. This year, in Paris, I work with a 14 year old Autistic boy.
He is severely Autistic, but also high functioning. It is likely that he will go on from school to University, and have a steady job. Watching him learn is astounding. He is not a genius savant, like Dustin Hoffmans character in Rainmain. He is hard-working and he is rigid. He has an understanding of the world around him through a set of rules that don't always follow the social rules of non-autists.
This week there were problems. Then I had meetings. Emails went backwards and forwards and I felt like I understood him a little better. I spend hours a week with this child and when I met his mother this week and she explained to me what he is like at home a light switched on in my head.
I like my job. I like the kids who have difficulties. Mostly, I just like talking to them. I like to play the role of the calm teacher, being the one that never gets mad at them. The one who gives a bit of help, a lesson a week where they can understand and not feel stupid. This week has made me think about home. The kids come and go through my hands. Support one year, gone to another school the next. But the parents. They have this extra thing to think about forever. It can be positive living and working with these kids. The parents don't go home at the end of the day and forget. They go home at the end of the day and cope.
"Don't be scared of anything at all
Everything we have is all we need"
Snow Patrol
"Come closer, that bonfire holds his life like stones
my years, my life unknown"
Jeff Buckley
He is severely Autistic, but also high functioning. It is likely that he will go on from school to University, and have a steady job. Watching him learn is astounding. He is not a genius savant, like Dustin Hoffmans character in Rainmain. He is hard-working and he is rigid. He has an understanding of the world around him through a set of rules that don't always follow the social rules of non-autists.
This week there were problems. Then I had meetings. Emails went backwards and forwards and I felt like I understood him a little better. I spend hours a week with this child and when I met his mother this week and she explained to me what he is like at home a light switched on in my head.
I like my job. I like the kids who have difficulties. Mostly, I just like talking to them. I like to play the role of the calm teacher, being the one that never gets mad at them. The one who gives a bit of help, a lesson a week where they can understand and not feel stupid. This week has made me think about home. The kids come and go through my hands. Support one year, gone to another school the next. But the parents. They have this extra thing to think about forever. It can be positive living and working with these kids. The parents don't go home at the end of the day and forget. They go home at the end of the day and cope.
"Don't be scared of anything at all
Everything we have is all we need"
Snow Patrol
"Come closer, that bonfire holds his life like stones
my years, my life unknown"
Jeff Buckley
December 01, 2005
The two faces of modern children
I had a horrible encounter at work yesterday. It really makes me sad thinking about it. I work with an Autistic child who is 14 years old. He is an amazing person, clever and creative. The other students don't understand what is different about him and the way that they react when there are teachers there and the way that they react in their social time is very different.
Yesterday, I saw them, but they didn't see me. I saw them teasing him and laughing at his reactions. Children are cruel, they are horrible to each other without realising how much damage they do. In some ways, I don't blame the other kids. Teasing and joking are their way of working out natural social order. I just wish that this process could take place with more compassion, just a little bit of understanding for the difference of others.
On the way home on the bus I was so blue and sad that this child had to feel anxious. Sat beside me were two teenage boys. Blinged up, long, baggy basketball tops. Expensive Ipods, skateboards under their arms. They were talking to each other in slang, swearing. When an old lady with a walking stick got on the bus, one of these boys did not hesitate to stand up and say very politely, 'Would you like to sit here Madame? It's really not a problem?'. She and I both smiled all the way home.
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle"
Plato
"Make it go away without a word
But promise me you'll stay and fix these things I've hurt."
The Killers
Yesterday, I saw them, but they didn't see me. I saw them teasing him and laughing at his reactions. Children are cruel, they are horrible to each other without realising how much damage they do. In some ways, I don't blame the other kids. Teasing and joking are their way of working out natural social order. I just wish that this process could take place with more compassion, just a little bit of understanding for the difference of others.
On the way home on the bus I was so blue and sad that this child had to feel anxious. Sat beside me were two teenage boys. Blinged up, long, baggy basketball tops. Expensive Ipods, skateboards under their arms. They were talking to each other in slang, swearing. When an old lady with a walking stick got on the bus, one of these boys did not hesitate to stand up and say very politely, 'Would you like to sit here Madame? It's really not a problem?'. She and I both smiled all the way home.
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle"
Plato
"Make it go away without a word
But promise me you'll stay and fix these things I've hurt."
The Killers
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